Sterotypes Can Lead To Irresponsibility

Watching Oprah (YUCK) but hey that is what my mother in law wanted and I got a post out of it, so it is what it is.  Any how she had a show about a bunch of women, actually a bunch of white women, who were all infected with HIV by one man.  They banded together and got him put in jail for attempted murder for what they say is purposefully infecting them.  The show is about a “new” face of HIV.

They are all sitting on the stage in every stage of the crying process talking about how they asked him to wear condoms but he didn’t want to.  And since they felt they were in a monogamous relationship they relented.  They also said that they can’t force him to wear a condom.

So a black lady from the crowd made the comment that “if he wants some then he would.”  One of the ladies started crying about how he was walking around with a loaded gun.  And if a person with a loaded gun walks up and shoots you, no one says that you should have been wearing a bullet proof vest.  And screams don’t blame the victim, don’t blame the victim.

I just howled with anger!  I had multiple problems with what was going on.  For one, sure he may have been walking around with a loaded weapon, but he in no way just shot her out of the blue.  That would be more akin to him raping her.  She consented to that shooting.  In fact if she wants to use the gun shot/bullet proof vest analogy then she not only consented but they agreed that he would shoot at her without a bullet proof vest.

So yeah, this is a clear cut case where they aren’t victims but accomplices by choice as is anyone else who contracts HIV outside of rape.  She and those sitting with her on stage need to take responsibility for their actions.  They CHOSE to have unprotected sex and now they are suffering the consequences.  And when asked why they chose to have unprotected sex with him, they said they didn’t fit the demographic they heard are at risk for contracting HIV.

They claimed that since they weren’t black women or promiscuous that they were pretty much safe and didn’t need to worry about HIV.  Well there ya go dumb ass!  I guess just because dumb people like her believe the propaganda thinking that it is a “black”, “gay” or “promiscuity” problem she now should be able to blame her irresponsibility on someone else.  This is what happens when you use propaganda and stereotypes to make decisions.  And from what I heard on this show, the idiot didn’t even learn a lesson.

Another thing which disgusted me was that these women claim they had been in long term relationships with this man.  Some had been with him for more than four years and were paying all of his bills and giving him money.  And then they made a conscious decision to have sex with this man without a condom.  Isn’t that their fault right along with him?

I am sure it is a good thing that this man is in prison as he would still be giving women AIDS if not.  He pretty much slept with one or two women a day for years.  That is a lot of women!  And somehow he is the only one at fault.  Even if, like they said, he knew he had AIDS, he couldn’t give it to them if they only practiced safe sex.

But this show just reeked of irresponsibility and of course Oprah and her dumb ass gave them a platform to cry and yell whoa is me without any discussion of what their part in all this was.  Yeah, the lady told them a thing or two, but it was just not enough.  And of course Oprah found every opportunity to remind everyone that AIDS is predominantly affecting black women the most.  And wasn’t that the same propaganda and stereotyping of information that lead to some of those ladies bad choices.

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26 Comments

Filed under Racism

26 responses to “Sterotypes Can Lead To Irresponsibility

  1. How in the hell was this man put in jail for attempted murder for consensual sex with women who didn’t care whether he wore a condom?! WTF?!

    BTW I love how you turned that bullet proof vest analogy on its head! I absolutely agree!

    And let me say that how boldly ridiculous it is that these White women believe that they weren’t a part of the “at risk” group of people catching HIV! I could do a series of posts on the White god-complex, but that’s exactly what it is, and Oprah is feeding into this by calling these White women the “NEW” face of HIV. What the hell Oprah? This is why I don’t watch her show and I wasn’t at all trippin that her show is going off air–in two years!

  2. Sundjata,

    Exactly! The reason I threw in the part about Oprah screaming out that it was “black women” leading the way in HIV infections is simply because these stupid women claimed that is the reason they felt confident to have unprotected sex. So wouldn’t this then lead to more idiots? She is such a flipping dingbat.

    And with the bullet proof vest business, this stupid lady was so irate that anyone would dare to blame her for her irresponsibility. She yelled and cried while screaming this idiocy. Then she is applauded for that display of stupidity, go figure. This is why I don’t watch the fool either. Her show is there to cater to white soccer moms, not to me nor you.

    I had the same problem with them getting this guy sentenced to prison. I felt that they were responsible for at least half the transmission of the disease. He didn’t rape anyone, so they had a choice to say no or make him wear a condom. And I surely wasn’t fazed one bit by her show going off the air. In fact I applauded the fact that it was leaving. There isn’t anything within that show for me anyhow. You know I should have thrown this out for any other dummies out there like these ladies, the last time I checked HIV or any sexually transmitted disease, IS COLOR BLIND!

    Thanks for the reply.

  3. “DINGBAT” ahahahahahahagGAGAGAGAGAGAHHAGHgGagGAGAGGGgagagaha!

    On a sidenote: you once asked how it is that you keep getting all of the idiots and racists to your blog. I’m wondering if you have discovered a reason. One of my favorite pasttimes is reading up on what foolishness people respond with to your thoughts and opinions.

  4. Sundjata,

    I actually think a lot of the people who come here who are totally like KKK racist, came here from website that has nicely featured me as one of their pages. They show excerpts from my blog and their lame response to it etc. And then I know that a totally racist forum also has me as a topic. This last one stems specifically because I did a post called “Idaho isn’t racist enough.” And people got the wrong idea, from the title of course and came looking for something else. Then they took the link back to whatever racist hate sites and the rest they say is history.

    I am out there and not much I can do about that now. So they can come, and hopefully learn something. Thanks.

  5. Well you made it to the big leagues! lol You’re being discussed on other sites in a pejorative manner. lol

    You keep it up.

  6. Naw seriously. That someone who opposes your thoughts spends that much time discussing you shows that you are formiddable. Otherwise, no one would care what you say.

  7. Well when you put it that way. Hey, I am here trying to evoke thought and conversation about issues dealing with our community. So if they are actually thinking about it and talking about it, then it is always a good thing. Maybe they will learn something; and then again maybe not. But it doesn’t hurt.

    Thanks again.

  8. Ahh, poor Stephan Frazier,

    You are right about one thing. You do go right to my spam filter. I occasionally go and see if it is anything that needs to be reported ie porn spam and sometimes there you are.

    But, I had no clue you were such a narcissistic person. Wow, you learn something new everyday. Um, if your message was to imply that what I was speaking with Sundjata about, was in any way related to you, sorry. It wasn’t even close. In fact, I doubt if Sundjata even knows you or knows that I don’t care for you.

    The topic of conversation dear Mr. Frazier was the fact that a lot of ACTUAL Neo-nazi and ACTUAL KKK websites have some of my posts they are discussing. And guess what again, what we were speaking of, goes way back long before you ever stumbled upon this blog. And you might want to go to the archives, it might be some fun reading. As you seem to think that there aren’t any racist, it is just lame blacks who can’t take responsibility. Too bad, they do exist.

    Trust me, you are the least of my worries. I don’t think about you, I don’t talk about you, I don’t even care about you. Well actually I cared enough to try and put your itty bitty mind at ease. I just couldn’t stand you sitting all by yourself on your blog thinking that somehow it’s all about you. I have other names for you, and KKK racist isn’t one of them.

    Now rest at ease soldier. No one puts that much thought into you but you. So calm down.

  9. KZ

    First of all, I would like to say that I support your blog 100% :D. But I must say that I disagree with you on this one. These women haven’t really done anything wrong, except have unprotected sex with a man they trusted. The fault lies in the man keeping the women ignorant of his HIV, and refusing have protected sex while knowing that his deadly HIV will very likely be transmitted to them. I agree that if they did what they did but also knew the consequences, it would be their fault. Since they were clueless, the biggest consequence that they could have imagined was pregnancy. You say that it is their fault for consenting to have unprotected sex. Are you saying that no one should ever have unprotected sex at any time? The man knew full well that having unprotected sex with these women will very likely put their lives in danger, but he did so anyways. Purposely putting other lives in danger is a crime. Imagine yourself in a normal relationship with a man, would you never have unprotected sex for the rest of your life? It will inevitably happen with many relationships and it is not the fault of the woman. So you have have sex with the man. You get a doctor’s checkup and you suddenly realize that you have HIV and the slightest illness will be life threatening, and you will most likely die at a young age. Would you say that it was completely your fault that you contacted HIV even though he kept you completely ignorant from that fact?

  10. Um yes. I have no idea who Mr. Frazier is. lol…Did I start this?

  11. Sorry KZ. I simply cannot condone what these women decided, willfully, to do.

    Again, no one is saying that this dude was not foul (assuming that he knew he had the deadly virus), but that doesn’t absolve these women of responsibility. Your take gives women no agency.

    The bottom line is that when you decide to have consensual unprotected sex with someone, you are taking your life in your hands. You get what you get. Educate and inform yourself or take the risk, but the risk is yours.

  12. KZ,

    First let me say thanks. And I didn’t say that it was ALL their fault. It is 50% their fault. They agreed to have unprotected sex with this man. Therefore they agreed to take a chance and gamble that he didn’t have HIV. They gambled on a 50/50 bet and lost. He did not force them to have unprotected sex. He said “HE” didn’t want to have unprotected sex, they could have said NO! No protection, no sex. Simple as that.

    I agree that inevitably in a relationship a person will eventually want to have unprotected sex with their partner. But if you choose, and it is a choice, not to get tested with your partner, then aren’t you taking responsibility for what happens next? It is YOUR responsibility and yours alone to ensure that your partner is free of disease and monogamous. If you can’t ensure both, then why are you taking chances with your life? Saying that because it is a normal relationship isn’t an excuse.

    It’s your life, you are responsible for it. So if you choose to say “I trust this man unconditionally” then you choose to take the gamble like these ladies and chances are good that eventually you will lose. So, for me, if a man wants to be in a relationship with me, he will wear a condom until we can ensure that both of us, because I plan to offer him protection as well, are free from disease. That is only responsible in a world full of a sexually transmitted disease which kills. Not to mention diseases that have no known cure like herpes and genital warts. No thank you, I would rather enforce the rules and be ABSOLUTELY sure that I am not about to gamble my health away. I have too much to live for.

    Thanks for the reply and an alternate view.

  13. Sundjata,

    Don’t give that dude another thought. You didn’t start anything at all. He is a past guest who can’t stay away even though I have relegated ALL of his messages to my trash bin. I probably will never bother to comment to him further. But, I was trying to be nice, and put a persons mind at ease. And hopefully it worked and he can go home and stay there. What is truly interesting about people like that guy, is that he doesn’t seem to have a life. But, again, don’t worry about Mr. Frazier, he isn’t worth the thought.

    Thanks for the reply.

  14. SoToAll

    Hi BS,

    I love your site, just found it to day and spent almost 13 hours catching up on everything. I do not always agree, but anytime a woman, black or other, has strong views it makes me happy.

    You mentioned rape as the only way you would excuse people ending with disease. But you, having kids, obviously don’t always use a condom. That being the case, what if you had HIV from your husband? You both got tested and all was fine, then got married, then he cheated and contracted the disease, then you got it. Is that 50% your fault? I was just wondering as all we can do is either trust the men we love or fight with them constantly about persistent testing and protection, which ultimately implies we do not trust them. I am of course speaking of marriage, not boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. Interestingly enough, I also got this from an Oprah guest, a famous black female author. I do not watch Oprah, not really a TV person, but I do respect her (listed as one of the most powerful women in the world and she is black) and all the money (tax write off or not) she donates to woman’s causes and children’s plights (here and other countries). When this story broke a while back, my aunt (who LOVES Oprah) immediately called to tell me due to my friend being HIV positive (from her parents).

    I will also assume you are against abortion, unless in the case of incest and rape. As, sex is for making babies, therefore (protection or not) pregnancy is an excepted possibility. So if you do not want kids, don’t have sex, right?

    Thanks for your time,
    Shalom

  15. SoToAll

    I wrote BS… short for Black Sentinel, not meaning B*ll Sh*t, just to clear it up.

  16. Sotoall,

    Where to begin? Well here we go with your questions and comments. I do think that if I had gotten AIDS from my husband it would be half my fault. I can’t say that I am not at least half responsible to say yes or no to unprotected sex. If I say OK no condom, then I consented to whatever comes next, be that a KID, STD or HIV. That is just the way it is.

    Now I don’t believe that just because a person has HIV they are irresponsible. I said that the story that some of these ladies told made them seem irresponsible. When she said that she sensed he was cheating and asked him to wear a condom and he said no. And she allowed the sex to happen anyway, then she took responsibility for herself when she also agreed to go ahead with it. If I in anyway feel that my guy is cheating and want him to wear a condom until we can be tested some more, then that is what is going to happen. Or we won’t be doing the do.

    Also, I am completely pro make your own choices in life. If you want to have sex without a condom, that is your choice and you take responsibility for whatever may come from that. If a person gets pregnant and decides they wish to abort, that is their decision. They will have to live with that. I personally don’t care what people do in their bedrooms or in their doctor offices.

    I wish your friend well and am sorry that this happened to her, it is terrible indeed. And I just wanted to add that if you and your loved one are on the same page, then testing and condoms would not be that big of a problem. I know for a fact that it wouldn’t be a problem in my relationship so it is what it is. Thanks for the reply.

  17. SoToAll

    Thank you for the well wishing, I will pass it to her.
    I was not disagreeing with taking responsibility, I am all for that. I was just wondering if there were not other cases where it would be different. I would not blame my mom for not wearing a condom after 20 years of marriage, (but then again there are not cheating issues) that is all I am saying.
    Also, as 78% of abortions are related to not wearing protection, so they are all morons too and I do not feel bad for any consequences that befall them.
    You could have sex unprotected 100 times and not get a disease. I guarantee that (assuming all organs involved work and the age is right) 100 times unprotected will end in pregnancy. Just a little common sense goes a long way.

    Shalom

  18. SoToAll,

    I agree, common sense is the key. That is why it is a 50/50 deal. Anyone having sex is putting themselves out there to be infected, impregnated/getting someone pregnant or whatever. As long as the sex is consensual then both parties are equally responsible for all the consequences stated before.

    Thanks for the reply.

  19. SoToAll,

    I was talking with my significant other and he was saying some stuff about a contract that he signed a long time ago and had a court case about where the contract was thrown out which made me think about things a bit more. I agreed that yes it is a percentage deal and no one is going to be totally absolved of any blame to me. But, I will contend that in some cases the blame game might be less than 50% but never zero unless the person didn’t consent.

    Thanks, your point was gotten.

  20. pvdugas

    Happy New year! I saw this show and mirror your thoughts. Let me just add to anyone, black, white, purple or green: If you’re having unprotected sex with anyone in this day and age, it’s a ticking time bomb. A certain responsibility comes with sex. Years ago, right after Magic Johnson came forward with his own story, Oprah did a moving show with an all black women panel. It was truly an eye opener.

    The truth about HIV is that it is not prejudice.

    Keep keepin on! Your blog is more than worthy! It’s one of my personal favorites on WordPress.

  21. pvdugas,

    Thanks and much happiness to you and yours this year as well! I agree with you so much. It is a big ticking time bomb. We can’t just rest on the comfort of thinking that our spouse or significant other whether long term or not, will be faithful.

    Not because we shouldn’t have trust. But, because the ramifications of their cheating can be a death sentence. It isn’t only going to be itching or burning, now it is literally a nail in the coffin.

    So to me, you have to take responsibility for yourself. You can’t make assumptions and hope for the best, no matter how long you’ve known this person. People do things, sometimes stupid things. And the consequences can be disastrous.

    Thanks for the reply and you keep on going as well. We are mutual fans of each other.

  22. Well, Oprah of all people should know that HIV and in turn AIDS affects people of all races and faces, just shows what silliness you will see on TV when people are trying to pander to a certain demographic without logical thought.

    My advice to anyone who meets a new guy who doesn’t want to wear a condom is go and have an HIV/AIDs test or refuse to have sex with him, also don’t forget that there is potential for an unplanned pregnancy as well.

    Also, any man who wants to lay about while a woman runs around paying his bills and keeping him is not a man at all.

    Real men bring home the bacon, beef, whatever

    However, in this day and age we are seeing a lot of layabout men who won’t take responsibility and are just damn lazy who think good sex is enough.

    Additionally, we are seeing women who are damn stupid who won’t put their feet down to such lazy layabout men!

  23. butterfly

    To Black Sentinel

    I often wonder if people are so affraid to give a stranger access to their home or their bank account lest s(he) wrecks a havoc there, then how on earth could they easily give a stranger access to their immune system to wreck a havoc there. OMG!
    Penny wise Pound foolish!

    Nonetheless, I agree with your title. I often tell my friends to stop having unprotected sex because yes HIV is indeed prevalent in Africa but we often forget that it can be found everywhere on earth even in our backyard and worse on our bed when we do not expect it. We should always we put on our genital armor whenever we go in for sex. Some do take and some do not but like you said, I am pro make your own choice, you get what you ask for.

    By the way, I am male, straight and never had any STD because I am never without my genital armor during sex. Some women I had gone out with were for unprotected sex but I refused. Some of them even got pissed and dumped me but I did not care. Yes One woman goes and another one comes but if my life goes which one will come again????

  24. Butterfly,

    You are so right. This is what I am saying as well. We have no idea when an STD or AIDS will strike. You can be in a relationship forever doesn’t mean that someone might bring it home one day. So we have to be ever vigilant at protecting ourselves. And thank you for the life saying. That is correct.

    Thanks for the reply.

  25. Wonder

    About the ladys who had unprotected ex with manof their colour.
    Its surprising that people from an supposedly inteligent race could be permanent victims of a few minutes of theru stupidity.

    Now. they thought the were safe because thgey are white so what ids te prooblem Aids wont kill them they are white still. They should not worry. AIds kills blacks and gay people. Why worry now.

    None of them ever tried to ask the poor good man to go with them for an HIV test since they “knew” they were in a polygamous marriage. I diont they all forgot.

    What boggle sme is a uniformity in thgeir thinking and actions. They all thought the same and acted the same and are victims alike.
    I do not want to be a white lady anymore

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